I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
