I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
