Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
