So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
