Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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