I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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