Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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