Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
