God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
