i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
