Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
