just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
