I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
