this just has baby written all over it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
