He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
