just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
