just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize