You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
