i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
