It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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