okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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