can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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