i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
