I didn't shave. On purpose
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize