Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sext me about skeletons
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
