My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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