Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
