i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
