he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm really busy with my period
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