idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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