on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize