Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
