I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize