My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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