Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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