Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
