david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
