i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize