At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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