I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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