You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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