i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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