i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
