ugly people sure do ruin things
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
