Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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