Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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