READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
