guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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