booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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