you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
