I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
