Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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