I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize