Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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