actually, I'm a sock model
I want to have your abortion
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
