she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
