I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
