Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
