How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize