Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
