dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
