We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
