im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
