Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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