I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize