If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
