I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
