how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
