I wish my penis had an off switch
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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