clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
