I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
