dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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