He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
