Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
