Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
