I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
