I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
