Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
