the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
