After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
