i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
