nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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